Time for the hometown dates, friends! Let’s begin with AshLee. She says she’s been waiting for this moment forever…to introduce your parents to a guy you met on tv? I really just don’t care for her but unfortunately I can see her being the one in the end. I quit paying attention for quite a while and then she was talking about being submerged in water and dreams or some shit. I really paid no attention to the mush of the whole day. It’s not good for my baby.
Then Sean had his date with Catherine which was more exciting to me within 30 seconds. They went to that crazy throwing fish market place in Seattle. When I worked at Target one Christmas season I had to watch a customer service training video and it was all about that fish place. Weird huh? Catherine and her sisters could dang near be triplets. They all are adorable and look alike! But they all look like they’re in their teens. Her family casts a lot of doubts in his head and you can tell it definitely gives him some apprehension. But not enough doubts, I guess.
Next up, Lindsey’s hometown in Missouri. You do remember she wore a wedding dress and got bombed the first night - right? Sean says he loves her young spirit and that she brings out his playful self. I think she baby talks (one of my BIGGEST pet peeves, unless you’re actually talking to a baby) and is immature, myself. Sean thinks she’s ready to get married and start a family - my guess is she wants playmates. Sean seems to really click with her mom and even asks the mom if SHE has any advice for talking to the dad, who’s a 2 star general and pretty much just a badass in the Army. They end up hitting it off too. Sean says he’d be honored to be in their family which is a real compliment. Dammit - it makes me like her better after meeting her family.
Last, Sean goes to see my top choice (or #1 Bachelorette choice) Des in LA. They go to her house and 1) she’s not concerned the door is already open? 
And 2) she’s made all the art…remind me to follow her on Pinterest I guess? That, or she really likes Wine & Canvas.
Some guy shows up pretending to be Des’ boyfriend and I thought he was acting - and he was. I wasn’t sure what the point was until she reminded us that he played a prank on her the first date. Well done Des. Unfortunately her brother is a douche and NOT acting. Her brother says that Sean doesn’t seem to reciprocate the feelings Des have. My guess is the closest relationship Nate has ever had is with his boxer dog I assume he has to go along with his tattoos and build his tough guy image. Nate could be the next Bachelor - or we could just take him straight to the Jersey shore to meet his future wife. The night ends totally awkwardly and I hope Sean doesn’t take that fool seriously. Des pulled Sean away before the Rose Ceremony and he assures her all is okay. Then he trips out and puts the last rosé down, sparking a “Whoa!” from Jesse Jett. He cracks me up. Glad I accepted that fools rose. ;)
Sean comes back in after a breather, and gives the final rose to Catherine - sending Des home. I am shocked. SHOCKED! that he sent Des home. All because she had a lousy brother?! They were GREAT together and adorable. Booooo Bachelor! I will hold out for the twist in which she comes back or he goes back to get her. It’s worked before! Her saying “don’t let me go!” And pleading to stay was the first time a girl has said this after not getting the rose and it hasn’t sounded pathetic. I definitely think he made the wrong decision here and hope he realizes it sooner than later.
Tuesday night there’s a “Sean tells all” episode - these back to back episodes are killin mama!
This week we begin with AshLee getting the one on one and I still just don’t see them as a couple; but they seem to see each other that way.
He asks her about Tierra and she’s really honest with him which he seems to appreciate. What’s with Tierra not sitting out with the other girls when they’re out at the beach?
AshLee tells Sean she was married at an early age and hopes this doesn’t break them but of course it doesn’t because he’s smitten with her. And then she stands on her chair and yells “I love Sean!” Maybe that’s why I don’t like her. There still 5 other girls! There is no possible way you love this man. Hence, love is NOT all you need, people! Don’t get me started on that cliche and how it drives me nuts - Beatles song and all.
Now Tierra gets the one on one and she’s pissed about it being in the city. She says she tries really hard with the other girls but they walk away from her - whatever! She tells him she feels like he’s distant and he admits it’s from the drama with the other girls he’s heard about. Lame for now.
At 4:45am Sean goes and wakes up the 3 girls he’s taking on a group date. I would die. Not because of no makeup and not showering, but because it’s 4:45am! That sounds as bad as drinking goat milk. They have a really cool date though and spend the day on a road trip. Looks like fun but I didn’t see a single piece of beef jerky - which is a requirement on road trips if you ask me. He has some good one-on-one time with Catherine and it’s the most real this show has ever been - she’s talking about her relationship with her estranged father and can barely look at him. Jesse says he doesn’t dislike any of the 3 girls on the date and I don’t - but I still just see the physical chemistry with Lindsey.
His date with Lesley is unfortunately slow moving. We like her and she says the relationship is moving naturally, which it is, but I guess thats too slow for him.
Anyhow Seans sister Shay comes and it occurs to me - maybe I need to sign up my awesome brother Marcus on the show and then I can go give him advice! That would be awesome. Shay is giving really solid info and in the meantime Tierra-ble and AshLee are fighting and Tierra says “men love me!” She also says she can’t control her eyebrow. I don’t understand and I wonder if that has to do with the dent in her head? Sean goes and gets Tierra, who turns on the waterworks and is in crying on her cot (I mean it sounds like it but there are no actual tears) and Sean is finally like REALLY?! Enough. And no one likes your Jane Seymour open heart tattoo on your ring finger, btw. So he FINALLY realizes his sister knows what’s up (we sisters always do) and he sends her PACKIN. So long Tierra-Ble Tierra Potter! Get on that broomstick and go. Only thing that would’ve made it better is if he took back her infinity bracelet. Can’t wait to see her bitter self on After the Final Rose!
No cocktail party and of the 5 left, my least faves are Ashlee and Lindsey (who has a rose). Unfortunately Lesley gets sent home, and I’m happy Des and Catherine are still In the running. Im not quite sure why Catherine is so upset - she thinks he has more in common with Lesley?!
Next up, hometown dates!
Man - you get behind on one episode, then they through you some back-to-back epi’s and next thing you know, you’re updating your blog trying to figure out who the hell all these “musicians” are on the Grammy’s! So without further ado…
I sat watching last weeks episode with swollen ankles and on my yoga ball. Being preggo has been awesome but I’m getting to that “uncomfortable” point. Just sayin.
Selma is excited for her one on one for him to see “the real her.” And her real fake boobs. Selma is talking about her strict Muslim upbringing and that she can’t kiss Sean until she’s his one and only. That oughtta make the overnight dates awkward in a few weeks.
Sean describes the roller derby group date as aggressive and athletic and competitive. Those are the last words I can honestly say would ever describe me. Good thing I’m not on the show. Once the one-arm-girl freaks out and Amanda practically breaks her jaw, Sean calls off the bout for an old school skate.
Tierra starts pouting about not wanting a “sympathy rose.” Then she’s telling the producers she needs to leave BC she’s being tortured. Tortured! She said that 4 times. If this is torture maybe I am ok to see Zero Dark Thirty. Then Sean goes and gets her the rose. Which is most definitely a sympathy rose.
Leslie gets the Pretty Woman date with the jewelry which I think ensures she’s going home that night without a rose. She says “holy moley” and “winner winner chicken dinner” and “ooh la la.” I can’t stand her. Once they get all dolled up but before she’s spent any time getting to know him, she says she can see him as her husband. Now I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger…
Sean realizes they have no connection so he sends her packin back home to Kit. And, we get our first “bachelor leaning on the balcony” shot of the season.
Robyn starts talking about Sean wanting chocolate and then she kisses him. Don’t like her. He keeps her another week. Boo.
Harry Potter Tierra is trying to find an ally in Amanda, who I thought was the other girl they all hated? Frenemies. Mean girls. “On Wednesdays we wear pink.” I also heard her say twice tonight “I came here to win this.” Yikes.
Amanda and her busted chin get sent home.
Monday night episode - one of two nights in a row. They all go to Montana, which is beautiful. Who knew?
Chopper date with Lindsay. Just a picnic and making out really. They seem to have a “connection” but I think it’s mistaken for chemistry. They just really like to make out with each other.
Group date - goats - enough said. I fast forwarded it BC I care nothing for goats or goats milk.
Des, Selma, Sarah and Robyn win but Sean invites the losers back. The winners are mad but they still have plenty of time just with him, and the only person who has a right to be mad is Des who actually drank goat milk. Tierra Potter decides its time to go talk to him again herself - big pouty baby! She tells him the 2 on 1 feels like a slap in the face (which leaves a dent in the forehead?) but wasn’t she loving the fact she got picked for that date 5 min ago? And no one ever talks to Jackie anyhow. Then the “stealing” stuff begins and that’s so annoying - and crying and kissing everyone. These and the cocktail ceremonies are just weird.
During the 2 on 1 date Jackie spends her time talking about Tierra, and enters the friend zone. My husband Jesse declares “I hope he sends them both home.” Agreed, Honey. Sean sends home Jackie and then he’s left with a psycho in a log cabin in the woods. I’ve seen this movie before and it ends pretty scary.
His time with Des is pretty sweet and he assures her that she has nothing to worry about and the end result is good. I can see her in the end.
As obnoxious as Tierra is, I’m still glad he sent Robyn home. So long!
Tuesday nights episode begins on a date with Catherine. Good together and being downplayed by the producers - especially in “upcoming episodes.” Things that make you go hmm…
Daniella is bummed she’s invited to the group date and the other girls feel bad for her - which is weird BC they’re all dating the same dude! Sean says last week was full of drama and he doesn’t wanna go thru it again- buuuutttt Tierra has different ideas. Shout out to Katie Hermon for calling her Tierra-ble - I’m stealing that! Sean tells the girls on the group date they’re doing a polar bear plunge and they start really pouting more than I thought - of all things this is NOT that big of deal! I mean I have no desire to do it - although I’ve cheered on friends who have done it for charity - but if I were on this show, in such a beautiful setting - why not? Tierra of course goes into some hypothermic shock, in which she’s good enough to eat a cheeseburger but can’t put her socks on. I mean, I took down a WHOLE WHOPPER last night and can’t put my own socks on, but I have a big bebe in my belly. Lesley gets the rose and she’s one of my faves. Sean decides to send Sarah home before the end of the night and really I think it’s respectful to not keep her around a few more days. She was totally blindsided and embarrassed and I feel bad - but I think she’ll realize later it was the right thing for him to do. Sean has a one-on-one with Des - Katie Holmes. They go repelling so he can assure her their r’ship is all good. It’s obvious he’s crazy about her and she’s a definite fave in the Jett home.
Selma asks mama to forgive her BC she kissed Sean on tv and said “I had to bring out the big guns tonight.” Yeah - we see those Selma. Glad mama is ok with that.
Lindsay and him have some time and she’s trying not to kiss him (they fail) but again, all they do is make out!
AshLee is starting to bug me and Jesse. Actually I said “she’s starting to bug me” and Jes said “she is to, me.” I think that means he agrees.
No one should be surprised that Daniella got sent home, but Selma? I was surprised after their date. I thought they had better real chemistry than Lindsay and really - everyone sucks less than Tierra-ble.
Sorry for the delay in catching up and getting this posted!
Ok - hope to be back on track for tomorrow night. Sweet dreams!
Well it became official at my first baby shower yesterday - my soon-to-be-born son is coming up on The Bachelor, Season 47. 
Thanks to cousin Greta for this adorable bib! I don’t know if I’d actually let Jordan on this show. But when it came time to “Meet the Parents” I would insist Jesse and I dress up like we did for Halloween as Honey Boo Boo and Mama June.
I keep telling Mimo I’m going to put this picture in his crib at the hospital, just to freak the other parents in the nursery out. :)
Enough about me. For now anyhow. So we watched The Bachelor tonight. I like Lesley M. I do think they have great chemistry and she seems legit, although she dropped the “best day of my life” comment about 4 minutes into the date. Three and a half, of which Jesse pointed out, they spent in a weird lip-lock. Anyhow, she’s okay in my book for now.
The group date involves this crazy competitive sand volleyball game and the loosing team cries, pouts, and goes home without getting their shoes back on. The winning team gets extra time with Sean (and their 5 teammates - super romantic). Sean spends some time with the crazy bride from the first night and he tells her every time how she surprises him - I think he’s still waiting for the crazy to come back out. He gets some time with Des and you can tell he’s super comf around her still. I’d like her almost the most if she didn’t look like Katie Holmes. Barf.
KaCie decides to tell Sean that Amanda and Des are having girl-problems and Sean’s response is the same as mine: “Why are you telling me this?” He seems completely like “Let them hash it out.” He did a good job putting it back on KaCie trying to figure out her motives for being involved at all. Dumb move, KaCie. Then he says she’s acting like a crazy person - Oh SNAP. Worry about yourself.
Crazy bride gets the rose. Crazy KaCie cries. All is well in Bachelor world.
Next one on one date is with Ash…wait for it…Lee. I liked her in the first episode - hope she doesn’t spill all of her “sob story.” And I still want her to come organize my house. While she’s waiting for Sean to come get her, Tierra tumbles down the stairs. I actually think her Harry Potter scar is much worse.
AshLee and Sean go to the amusement park with 2 girls who are best friends and both have special health needs, and it was cute. I think Sean and AshLee are okay together and she’s a good person, but they don’t have all the chemistry I’ve seen with Des and Lesley.
During the cocktail hour the girls keep stealing Sean and it’s DUMB. I would like to step in and vote some off right now. I want to talk about KaCie’s hair/neon scrunchie/Speedo dress/long earrings for a moment. It’s just all wrong. I mean, I guess that’s all I have to say. I don’t want to take up space with a picture - if you saw it, you feel me. If you watched and don’t know what I’m talking about, I need to recommend you be on “What Not to Wear.” He takes her outside to dump her privately and we see she’s wearing another accessory - a cast on a pointer finger. Weird. It wasn’t right, for sure. And now he may never know what 2 random girls are fighting.
Back to the Ceremony…a few annoying girls who we’ll have to deal with a few more group dates get to stay (Robyn, Jackie, Selma, Amanda), Harry Potter gets to stay, as does Leslie H in yet ANOTHER lacey horrible ice-skating outfit, Daniella - who always looks a dirty Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, and Des. Taryn leaves - oh well (she did seem to old for him at the ripe old age of 30) - and so does THE MODEL Kristy. At least she has the romance novels with Fabio to fall back on.
The Bachelor starts this week with Sean just doing what he does best - working out. I think about “What if I was the Bachelorette and they said to me, ‘Go ahead and do your everyday thing…’” I’d literally be sitting here in the same spot on this couch watching tv. How pathetic. Or maybe I’d be at Target. Whatever.
Sarah, who is the girl with one arm (that’s what SHE refers to herself by, I, um, didn’t even notice) gets the one-on-one in the first chopper ride of the season. That took a long time. I don’t know if you noticed, but I did, that she switched sides in the helicopter. Then they jumped off the side of a building. No biggie. They have a nice talk afterwards and she declares “he’s PERFECT for me.” Of course you would know that after one date.
There’s a group date for Harlequinn romance novels and “the model” Kristy is so excited about how this will further her career. I mean, relationship with Sean. And dammit - she won - which made her that much more annoying.
Katie explains she’s “not doing great” and “not adjusting well” and I think “Hey sister, it’s okay, we all have bad hair days,” but apparently it was more than that and she left. 
He has a one-on-one with Des and tries to prank her, and he really should have brought Betty White along to help out. Has anyone watched “Off their rockers?” Candid camera with senior citizens? Love it. It was a good prank but Des never quit smiling so I think she had to have expected something was up, and Sean let the prank go on for a whopping 20 seconds. Sean is perfect and Des is perfect so they’re perfect together. And it gave me a toothache. I liked that they talked about being best friends a lot.
You know what I don’t like about Robyn? It’s not the color of her skin, which she asked Sean about, which I felt was rude. It’s that she talks a lot of shit. About Tierra, in the group date, and then about Amanda, who, yeah, is a bit weird. Robyn is going to be a gossip queen and is already super annoying to me. Daniella is another one who talks smack constantly. At least I do it from behind a blog that 6 people read.
Rose ceremony time and he kept the drunk bride, Robyn, a few safe picks like Lesley, Catherine and Salma, that obnoxious “model” Kristy, Leslie H who is in a TERRIBLE white lace outfit that may have been an ice-skating uniform at some point, gossip Daniella, a few we don’t really know yet (or care to) and the final rose went to Amanda - who is wearing yellow but I can’t help but think she looks like Elpheba from Wicked.
On to next week. Goodnight, friends.
Well, this may be a good season. In the “This season on the Bachelor” clip before the opening credits, they were showing a girl with Sean and I said “She’s cute!” And cut to 45 seconds of them showing her being the trainwreck on the show! I’m talking about the girl Tierra with the Harry Potter scar on her forehead. So, clearly I don’t read spoilers.
Blah blah blah Emily and Sean, got his heart broke…we all know how that ended. The worst part of having these “rejected” Bachelor’s/Bachelorette’s have their own show is that every episode we have to recap their great love lost. All the while he’s rock climbing, walking the beach, etc, then recapping it with someone else who loved her and also got dumped - Arie - and practicing “Will you accept THIS rose?” That was entertaining. Then they started talking about tongue kissing, and that got weird. At least that’s what Jesse thought…I was cracking up.
We start with the girls in the bridal store. It made me laugh because a few weeks ago I was begging Mom to go back to David’s Bridal with me - and my huge preggo belly - and tell them I needed to try on dresses for an immediate wedding and she was going to pretend she was really mad. :) She wouldn’t go for it because she didn’t think she could keep a straight face. So she took me to Harry & Izzy’s instead.
No need to give reports on all the girls so here’s some highlights:
Ashley P - 50 Shades Girl. Um, no. Just no. How do we even begin? Do we need to? The best came later in the show when she was drunk and said “Do I need to start dancing?” and then started bumping and grinding um, the wall, before anyone could get the girl some water. It’s always a good sign when a guy mentions he has a rape whistle.
Lesley M - Political girl. Cute but seemed a little uptight in her interview till she busted out the football to check out his butt. That was clutch. Blue 32 indeed.
AshLee - professional organizer. Foster kid. Sad story. I need her to come to my house and organize - that’s all I kept thinking. She was the first one out of the limo and seemed really sincere.
Kelly - Cruise Ship Entertainer. Orange. Jesse said “I didn’t know they had strip clubs on cruise ships?” She sang a terrible song. In all fairness, maybe she’s an Elvis impersonator - see the dress?
Tierra - Harry Potter comes out and BAM - he pulls out the First Impression rose. WHAT? I’ve already admitted I was fooled too but all I had to do was wait 45 seconds to find out the truth. Too bad Sean didn’t do the same. Jesse said “What? She didn’t even sing about her moms sweet tea! And that will REALLY make the other girls mad.” I love being married to my own Chris Harrison. :)
Desiree “Call me Des” - bridal girl. Probably had the best pick up line with “let’s make a wish.” She also
has tiny teeth.
Lindsay - the bride - NO. Just no. And she went in for a kiss. This is her “goofy side.” “I’M SUCH A PRANKSTER! WHO DOES THIS?!” Cut. Her. Out. And then she later admits “I wish I was more sober right now. Gimme a kiss.” Yeah - we wish she was more sober too. Go ahead and kiss her GOODBYE Sean.
Kacie B from Ben’s Season steps out. I can’t remember if I liked her or not - I’ll have to go back and read my own blog and get back to you. Some of the girls start getting jelly and putting a target on her back, which really relieves Tierra for a few minutes I’m sure. Jesse and I can’t figure out how they know each other? Some Bach reunions? Who knows. And Paige was one of the Superfan’s from from Bachelor Pad 3 - wasn’t this Natalie Portman lookalike the one who liked Reid? How come no one is mad she’s back on the show? Just sayin.
Sean starts handing out roses like candy at a parade - I appreciate that he’s not waiting for the rose ceremony. It’s freaking the girls out which is also entertaining.
Taryn - who seems pretty and confident, is crying ALREADY. You need to cut that sh*t out girl.
Question about Sarah, the girl with one arm: If your child was born with one arm, would you immediately have that child fitted with a prosthetic so they could be two armed? Or allow that child to be “as they are” and learn to adapt to life as a one armed person? Not that there’s anything wrong with her one arm - my stepson James has a special hand with 4 fingers and is “different” - but I would give my child everything to make their life as easy as possible. Discussion for a later date. It’s Rose Ceremony time, friends.
He’s given out 12 roses of 19 already. Good for him. Kacie “Back for More” gets one, Blue 32 gets one, already-cried Taryn gets one and a few others. Meadow Soprano (“my dad said if you break my heart, he’ll break your legs”), Orange Elvis Cruise Ship Stripper, 50 Shades, and Natalie Portman get sent home but the crazy bride, who told us she “has balls” gets to stay. That’s what I call “The Pity Rose.”
The girls who don’t get roses go outside and cry to the cameras, which is legit since they’ve known him for 34 minutes. Sean holds up his champagne and cheers to the new season, and we’re back in biz.
In the Season Preview, here are my great assessments: Tierra is the villian, Tiny Teeth has a guy come to fight for her, the Crazy Bride sticks around a bit, and The Organizer I need to Hire is a tattle-tale.
See ya next week!
Hey guys! Missed you this season but in all reality, I don’t think I could have possibly kept up with all the absolute ridiculousness that was Bachelor Pad 3. The truth is - I got pregnant! And this show coincided with my first trimester which was a nauseous all day, headache filled, so exhausted I can’t drag my ass off the couch tired 14 weeks. And to be honest, I am loving every single minute of it. I’m just now pulling through all that “fun stuff” and getting some energy back, in time for the finale. :)
So let’s begin. First, Lindzi became an oompa-loompa in her downtime.
She and Kalon are still together and Erica Rose is still starting drama with Kalon. I kinda love her. And sidenote: Erica looks better than she has all her seasons. Short hair, not as much bleach, and no horrible weave? Definite improvement. I tap my gavel.
Michael - Gets thrown in the Hot Seat and a mess of questions about whiny Rachel. Honestly, I never saw him and Rachel as a couple. It was like friends with benefits for the shows sake. And he doesn’t deny that it wasn’t his best behavior, which makes me like him even more. So Jaclyn, defending her on-again off-again bestie Rachel believes that Michael led Rachel on, but she doesn’t see what Ed did to her was so much worse? The whole season, Ed told her to her face he wasn’t interested in her and yet she continued to sleep with him. It says a lot about a girl when a guy can TELL YOU he’s not that into you, and she STILL goes to bed with him every night. Doesn’t make me like Ed’s behavior but it’s pretty typical guy being a guy. Shiver - I hate those games. Jaclyn, poor thing, looks better tonight than she did all season. Still crying about how Rachel could not take her to the finals. No one asks Jaclyn about her relationship with Ed now or how it ended or what she felt watching the show back. I wish that would’ve come up.
Blakey and Tony had the random season hookup and I told Jesse early on I could see them running to Vegas in 6 months and getting married. Can’t you see those pictures? Kinda like in Hangover when the dentist marries the stripper. In the Hot Seat they wasted to much time on her and Creepy Chris (who is WAY CREEPIER this season than he ever was with Emily - can I get an AMEN?!) before getting to her and Tony. Cut to Jamie (very socially awkward according to Jaclyn) going crazy about who is “real” and suddenly she’s a gypsy?!
Back to Tony and Blakey. I like them together. And then, right before our very eyes, he proposed. Sponsored by none other than Neil Lane. Love it! Look out Portland.
So the two couples up for the money - do we even remember why we’re watching The Finale? - come onto the show, and Whiny Rachel brings up the whole Michael situation again. They’re bickering back and forth (and I take his side - you broke up with her as she can’t handle the rejection) and in the meanwhile Nick is looking like a washed up Matthew McConaughey bored out of his mind.
Let’s face it - Nick and Rachel were a TERRIBLE team until the Sister Christian routine. Which I would have NAILED, btw. They finally Talk to Creepy Chris and Side-Mouth Sarah and he says it was tough to watch - oh because your family and friends saw what a dog you were? Maybe he’s trying to go for the sympathy vote, which he fails at. Gypsy Jamie continues to play the part of the scorned ex-luvah barking weird “insults” at him. Is anyone else bothered by the weird mouth moves Sarah makes? Like, all the time? 
And why didn’t we get more of Reid this season? Bologna.
So Nick and Rachel win….Jaclyn is the deciding vote and realizes “this B better take me on a cruise.” But, here’s the twist (for my mom who doesn’t watch the show but reads my blog): If both people choose to “Share” the money, they split the $250K. If one person chooses “Keep,” they keep the whole $250K and the other person gets none. And if they both choose “Keep” then the other contestants split the pot. Well low and behold - Nick, who’s been the silent but deadly guy the whole season, gives the speech of the season and decides to KEEP THE MONEY after Rachel announces (through tears, I’m sure) that she’s going to SHARE it.
OH. SNAP. Rachel is crying and calls him a schmuck and he says, of course, “I’m a schmuck with $250,000!” Notice the audience cheered with him - no one boo’d. While they’re rolling the ending credits, it shows almost every contestant throughout the season saying what a terrible game he played and sure enough - he outplayed them all. I’d like to say he’s a dog, but he’s a dog with more money in the bank than me. Till next season, friends…
The show starts with Ricky Bobby channeling the 80’s - rocking a side ponytail and a fanny pack. Cool.
Jef returns to his Marty McFly routes with his crisp white T-shirt and skinny jeans.
Suzy, Emily’s mom, takes Jef inside for some cigarettes questions and then brother Ernie takes Jef aside too. Ernie says the last guy she brought home was Ricky…which, um, didn’t Brad come home? I feel like there’s probably been a few others. Ernie is as monotone and deep voiced as his mom. Everything goes well and Jef takes off walking down the road to, um, no where I guess.
To be honest, I don’t like the LIVE broadcast with Chris Harrison. Keep the show going. I hate how they drag it out forEVER. And the laughing is obnoxious during the show.
Arie comes to meet the fam, and is nervous and making small talk which was a little awkward - and I felt bad because he was really trying. Ernie asks if Arie’s in it to win it, which I don’t think he is at all. I think he really loves Emily, or what he believes is love. Suddenly Ernie is confused as to which guy to pick. Poor Ernie. Arie tells Emily’s dad that Emily is the love of his life. Again - hard to believe in just a few months and the relationship they’ve had.
I find it really telling how open she is with Jef. And then she seals the deal - she’s ready for Jef to meet Ricky Bobby. Jef tells Ricky Bobby to wear her goggles in the pool because, you know, “Safety First,” and then he sits on the bridge and let’s Ricky Bobby push him off head first into the water. Good call. The meeting goes well and I get the feeling Emily is crying in the previews because she wants to tell Arie goodbye before he gets on his knees. At least I hope.
Emily brings Chris to the house to tell Chris that yes, she needs to say goodbye to Arie. I am too distracted by Emily’s necklace being the cover of the Journey album.
Emily breaks it off with Arie and they’re both clearly heartbroken. He’s shocked and the poor guy is just ready to get outta there. Ugh. I am grateful I don’t have heartbreak like that anymore - that’s all I can think.
And now, the moment we’ve waited for: the proposal. Emily looks gorgeous in her terra cota colored dress and I wonder which came first - the dress or all the pots? EIther way it’s in sync. 
He proposes. She gives the longest pause ever. Cue the Chicago music. Love it. The end.
Sorry I missed the blog last week, you 8 readers! I was on a motorcycle trip with my Final Bachelor to Emily’s territory…we went to Ohio, West Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee and Kentucky. Let’s just say I’m glad to be back home again in Indiana.
A QUICK recap from last week and really all you need to know is that she finally broke it off with Creepy Chris. First of all, he tried to get romantic with her in Chicago on a bridge.
Sorry Chris, Jesse and I wrote that story already.
Then he took her home to meet the fam and at dinner - has this always happened and I just noticed it for the first time? - they all sat on ONE side of the table at dinner.
I have only seen this happen one other time: 
It was no wonder he got sent home. Toodaloo, Creepy Chris.
So this week Emily and the final three are in Curacao. Of course to make 3 dates a full two hours we have to recap each relationship start to finish and I determine these 3 very specific facts.
1) Sean is perfect, and he’s the secure pick. No muss, no fuss, simple life with a white picket fence.
2) Jef gets the best friend vote - she laughs a goofy laugh and smiles quirky and is really herself around him. There’s long term here.
3) Arie is the passionate one. He’s protective almost to a fault (overbearing?) but they definitely can’t keep their hands to each other.
On her date with Sean, Emily is waiting for him to tell her he loves her, which he does. And he reads a letter that he’s written to Ricky Bobby - very sweet. When it comes time for the Fantasy Suite, Emily sent him home without staying the night. Impressive. They both felt they missed out on more time staying up “talking.”
Another day, another date with Jef. I liked that Jef asked Emily if she thought he’d be a good parent and made her tell him why. They make out quite a bit but also have good conversations. Emily says she would now move to Salt Lake City or wherever for the right man. Isn’t this a new thing? I thought there was drama with Brad back in the day about her not moving? Anyhow - I do like Jef. Sorry to my friend Shelby. But also, my cuz Holly hit the nail ON THE HEAD when she was trying to figure out who he looked like: 
Well done, Holly.
So then she goes out with Arie, and geez louise - they never stop making out! They go swimming in the middle of the ocean with dolphins. If I had a bucket list (that would include never seeing the movie Bucket List) swimming with dolphins would be on there. But it would be in a confined space - like a zoo, with professionals. Or in Florida, with supervision. Anywho. Arie still seems a little TOO full force for me. Just something gives me pause. I do believe he’s lovin Emily but it’s just a little too much. She doesn’t give him the Fantasy Suite card because she doesn’t trust herself. Good job, Emily.
Emily says to the camera that during this journey, there is not one choice she’s made that she regrets. Until now - with that ponytail and weird sequin/ruffle skirt.
It’s okay Emily - we all make mistakes. I was just a lot younger then.
Sad but true, she dumps Mr. Perfect - Sean. Did ANYONE else notice the bird chirping during their awkward silence? I guess in Curacao instead of saying “Crickets” you get “Birds.” Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Emily broke down, Sean was about to break down, and I got a bit teary myself. Clearly I just had something in my eye. Man I love this show.
Tonight in Prague: Three one-on-one dates with no roses. My first thought is that the date with Wolf is going to be BOR-ING, and I was right.
When she gets the date with Arie I finally remember “YES - tonight there is DRAMA!” How did I forget? But alas - that too was blown way out of proportion. Damn you Reality TV Producers - when will I stop falling for your trickery?!
Emily and Arie stop and look at a fancy clock on the street and Emily says, “Isn’t it amazing to stand here and look at this clock and think of how many other people have looked at this clock?” That’s the thing about clocks, Emily…lots of people look at them. Especially when they need to know what time it is.
So the drama of the night is that this unfortunate-looking producer Cassie dated once, or maybe saw Arie at the grocery store like ONCE, 10 years ago. In the “behind the scenes footage” Emily and Cassie are talking and Emily says, ”It’s not a production thing it’s a real life thing.” Um, it’s a TV show. And there is nothing REAL about ANY of this. Emily beats around the bush forever waiting for him to spill every name of every person he’s ever known in his entire life, including his 3rd grade teacher. I do think it’s a bit weird he didn’t say “Cassie and I have known each other forever” if the situation really did come up but I don’t believe he thinks knowing Cassie is a big deal at all! They’ve made it out (they = US Weekly and media) that Arie dated Cassie yesterday. So, Emily and Arie talk it all out (off camera) and are fine again, and back to smooch talking smooch and smooch kissing smooch every other smooch word. Enough already. Last week it was hot and heavy. This week it’s annoying. We get it. Smooch. You’re crazy about each other. Arie drops the L Bomb and tells her he’s in love with her. Then they kiss some more.
Back at the ranch, the guys are all girl-talking it up. Daddy Doug says “I bet they’re having dinner somewhere cool.” Yeah dude, you’re all in PRAGUE. I don’t think they’re at the local Applebee’s.
The next date card says, “John - In Prague, all you need is love.” I think I have ranted about this before. I do not believe that ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. I believe that is the Co-Dependent National Anthem. You need more than LOVE. You need honesty (cough cough - ARIE), trust, loyalty, dependence, God, and…some other things. Just something that bugs me.
Emily says that the thing with John (Wolf) is that “time is running out.” She must have gone by that clock again! They write their “love wish” in some padlock that has hidden meaning. Like the love clock when the other guy went home. Or the love wall the other guy who went home had to stand and balance on. I don’t think that Emily should be determining who she loves by who fulfills the old wives’ tales. Duh. Wolf kisses Emily and even that is boring.
Sean, Doug and Chris get picked for the group date, which reads something about “Happily Ever After.” Oh joy - a fairy tale reference. Sean takes off out the door to go find Emily. I appreciate the “suspense” that is being built as he takes off through the cobblestone streets (that are EMPTY, btw) and is shouting “EMILY!” At this point I would turn to the camera man and say “Seriously dude - where’d she go?” So Emily and hottie Sean have a little bit of time together.
Sooo, does anyone else notice that there is only ONE other guy out on the streets in Prague at this time, and he just happens to walk by the window and look in on Sean and Emily making out. See him? Over Emily’s shoulder on the left of the picture…
There’s a good chance that it is the grown up ghost boy from “3 Men and a Baby.” 
Shivers. I can’t tell you how many times Erica and I watched that scene growing up.
Emily takes boring ol’ Daddy Doug on the group date and they have a good chat. And by that I mean she pretty much decides “This is the time to send this fool home.” Actually you’re a week late, Emily, but okay. She gives him THE MOST POLITE break up speech ever - in which he interrupts her to give her the biggest peck on her lips long enough for her to stop and say “thanks for that.” So long, Daddy. Thanks for the ugly cry again. 
Actually I think when he cries, he looks like “The Situation.” 
Am I the only one who thinks that?
Creeper Chris spends most of the episode pouting about not getting time with Emily. He said it “drives him crazy.” I have a feeling he is being LITERAL.
If I don’t get a hometown date I’ll be scared for anyone around me.” Here’s another clock for you, Emily: 
CUCKOO!
Jef and Emily goes on a one-on-one date and he is FREAKISHLY good at making a Michael Jackson puppet do the Moonwalk. If you, by chance, didn’t watch this, that won’t make any sense to you. Jef then pulls a clutch move by going back in to buy the Ricki Bobby puppet. Then the two of them reenact their whole relationship through their puppets and I’m having weird Mr. Rogers flashbacks with Lady Elaine Fairchild. *Side Note: I’m pretty sure this whole puppet part was Jesse’s favorite part of the episode. I don’t know what that says about him…or anything. But he had this goofy smile on his face and kept giggling. Maybe my dude just likes puppets…
Jef says to Emily “I wanna date you so hard and marry the shit outta you.” Love it. They are laying on this library floor talking about how they’ll parent and looking up at a ceiling mural. I think this is it: 
(Bonus points if you know what this is - Jesse you can NOT answer…)
Chris is sweatin bullets about getting a rose and says he took Emily “for granite.” Maybe he should have taken her for marble. Huh? What? With his eyes all bloodshot and then sinking in his head, he says “I don’t feel right.” 
Spooky.
Emily skipped the cocktail party and said she hopes “ya’ll” aren’t upset about it - which Creeper Chris obviously IS upset and pulls her aside. He pours out his heart and really, said some nice things. But he’s still creepy and not handsome to me. She gives him the rose - which I thought she was going to do anyhow, so I would have liked some “Hey, this talk doesn’t change my mind” in front of all the guys.
In the previews for next week, Creeper Chris tells Emily, “You make me feel really good - like CRAZY good.” Stay tuned. And go get your Prozac, kids - it’ll be a doozie.
